FACADE

With a facade is dishonesty, to oneself and others. A facade acts as a buffer, a filter, a screen, covering a mistruth. It’s not a lie, a lie is deceitful, a facade is not, it’s an act of desperation to conceal hurt. A facade is a personal portrayal, a smokescreen, betrayal. Perhaps a protection technique to deflect judgement, to hold onto the essence, childlike.

Once cavalier, I’m now more guarded and careful who I allow close. I’ll maintain distance if intuition whispers. Distance will be felt by others, I won’t conceal it, I’ll keep it real.

If I allow you close, you’ll strongly feel it, with it will be fierce loyalty and a passionate, loving heart. There will be no facade, you’ll know it’s me, my truth, and I will search for yours.

Black sheep. That’s me. Always have been. With age and experience, I’ve come to accept and value it as a gift. In a world of white ones, there’s a loneliness attached. If the situation determines, I’ll keep things simple, avoid conflict, play the game, all the while silently scream on the inside. Then when there’s finally solitude, I relax, back to myself, taking time to regroup, recentre, rebalance.

I am real in a harsh world with people that are so often not. Some people cannot be deleted from my life, so I create a facade, a mosaic.

Then when I finally escape, I come back to me, my being, my values, my people. And with it, the most beautiful thing.

SELF

Self is the only constant. Impossible to escape or reject, its the only constant companion. Be a person that you actually like and admire. To be imprisoned with someone that you neither like or respect would be a living (and sleeping) hell.

To reflect and question oneself leads to personal growth. Be the sort of person that evolves and most importantly be kind and treat both yourself and others well.

Having been on the receiving end of some crazy, unkind and vindictive behaviour for an extended period of time, it’s debilitating. What sense of self has the other person and how much must their system be poisoned? Still learning, I am improving my ability to deflect what is mainly subtle manipulative psychological abuse.

I come back to ‘self’, my core values, morals and the way that I want to live my life. I choose to visualise a glass cylinder around me which keeps me safe. I make the choice to disallow this negative energy to affect all the positive things in my life. And there are many.

I like my ‘self’. I get a little lost sometimes but I always find my way back as my inherent values and sense of who I am are strong.

AVOIDANCE

There’s a cost to avoidance. A fallout. Although it may provide temporary relief, in the long term it creates carnage.

When ignoring, avoiding and disrespecting your own personal values and anchors, you’re in a storm, swept out to sea, vulnerable. Some people never find their way back, set out on a path of self destruction. Avoidance can manifest itself into a cluster fuck of epic proportions, a big knarly tangled mess. 

That’s extreme. The extreme end of the scale. Avoidance is normal, to not want to confront things that are uncomfortable or foreign. But isn’t that where growth lies? Something that makes you want to run, could be the one thing that you really need. Turn around and give it your time, assess it, walk toward it, contemplate and work with the gifts being shown to you. Then if necessary, walk away for a while, but come back, come back and address it. That’s if it’s worth your time and energy.

Avoiding intuition is difficult as your gut knows, and so does your soul. At the heart of intuition, there’s truth, a crystal clear truth. It’s still a choice whether to see crystal clear or sea fog, to stay anchored or drift out to sea. 

Avoidance can be a show of weakness, a weakness of character. It can also be a sign of arrogance, to rise above and choose to ignore that which is not worthy. It can be a temporary state, a process, to avoid, take time, then come back in a strong position. Strong does not mean cold, but with an open heart, a willingness and desire to communicate.

Avoidance is escapism, hiding out, not communicating, internalising. With silence, comes pain. Avoidance is losing your voice swallowing your speech, running. Avoid long-term and it will chip away, piece by piece at your values, setting you off course, away from the anchor, out to sea. 

Avoidance will cost you - it will cost you your truth.

SOUL-MATE

Soul-mate love. Bohemian Rhapsody. A deep connection between Freddie Mercury and Mary Austin. Moving, emotive, leaving me tearful a few times. Ultimately could not be together in every but their profound love lasted an entire lifetime. Of his passing Austin said that she lost somebody she thought of as her eternal love.

I question what soul-mate love actually means. Freddie and Mary both went on to have other important love connections but no-one compared despite the absence of romantic love. Deep soul connection is just that, a connection of the soul and it can take different forms.

Dictionary.com describes soul-mate as ‘a person with whom one has a strong affinity, shared values and tastes, and often a romantic bond’. That sounds too light and clinical to me, not important enough.

I believe soul-mates don’t have a choice, there's a magnetic attraction that’s undeniable and to walk away would be unfatomable. Soul-mate paths have crossed before, once, or many times. Souls meet at the right time. Soul-mates care deeply for the happiness of the other, feeling each other’s emotions, reading silent thoughts. Soul-mates know each others negatives and love them anyway. Life goals are shared, as are values and ethics, and differences are celebrated. Soul-mates that also have a deep romantic connection have each other in their entirety.

That’s more like it. Soul-mate. Perhaps the most beautiful thing if you are touched by it. No, definitely.

ANCHORS

Anchor. Anchoring. Stability. A sense of being grounded. To be grounded is self-belief and a trust in personal values. Without values, you’re adrift, off course. Values provide centredness, holding you steady.

Values are an inner gauge to direct behaviours and attitudes. They’re intuitive and operate in the background. There are endless values, here are my top 5; authenticity, balance, compassion, contribution and kindness.

Authenticity is being genuine and real, true to yourself. Balance is leading a centred life, keeping all parts in harmony. Compassion is about being a good person, offering a loving heart and understanding another person at a soul level, without judgement or expectation. Contribution is giving back, understanding that you are part of a whole. Kindness is concern and consideration for others and their circumstances. If you can be anything, absolutely be kind.

These 5 values form my anchor, bringing me back to me intrinsically, sending signals when things are askew. The only one to be truly relied upon, is yourself. The only one that can be moulded and changed, is yourself. The only one who will always be a constant, is yourself. Me, my anchor.

Water allures me, it’s a gravitational pull that’s always touched my soul and left me happiest, it’s around water that I feel most ‘grounded’. There’s a special electrical energy present in the ground. When grounded, it leaves you centred, strong and balanced. I feel at my most grounded around water.

Grounded. Anchored. Held firm, not tight, slightly adrift. That’s me.