ANCHORS

Anchor. Anchoring. Stability. A sense of being grounded. To be grounded is self-belief and a trust in personal values. Without values, you’re adrift, off course. Values provide centredness, holding you steady.

Values are an inner gauge to direct behaviours and attitudes. They’re intuitive and operate in the background. There are endless values, here are my top 5; authenticity, balance, compassion, contribution and kindness.

Authenticity is being genuine and real, true to yourself. Balance is leading a centred life, keeping all parts in harmony. Compassion is about being a good person, offering a loving heart and understanding another person at a soul level, without judgement or expectation. Contribution is giving back, understanding that you are part of a whole. Kindness is concern and consideration for others and their circumstances. If you can be anything, absolutely be kind.

These 5 values form my anchor, bringing me back to me intrinsically, sending signals when things are askew. The only one to be truly relied upon, is yourself. The only one that can be moulded and changed, is yourself. The only one who will always be a constant, is yourself. Me, my anchor.

Water allures me, it’s a gravitational pull that’s always touched my soul and left me happiest, it’s around water that I feel most ‘grounded’. There’s a special electrical energy present in the ground. When grounded, it leaves you centred, strong and balanced. I feel at my most grounded around water.

Grounded. Anchored. Held firm, not tight, slightly adrift. That’s me.

COMMUNICATION

When I consider communication, it’s a lack of communication, in-particular, silent treatment, that’s of significance to me.

I can’t do silent treatment. At all. I’ll never deliver silent treatment and being on the receiving end of it impacts me greatly. It’s most definitely a strong trigger point and here’s why.

I’d been on the receiving end of the silent treatment game for years. It was so ingrained that I came to expect it. I knew that one false move and that was it, silent. For days. It wasn’t an act of love, quite the opposite, it was calculated control, passive aggressive.

The aim was to claim power over me, my feelings were irrelevant. I was told that my feelings were just feelings and not real, that I lived in a fantasy-land. Gas lighting.

The result was confusion, isolation, rejection, loneliness and at times, despair. It attacked my self-worth and self-esteem, left me questioning and doubting myself, ate away at my core. I experienced dissociation and displacement. Brain freeze. It affected my ability to think and process and make sense of the world around me.

Others saw it in me. They commented on it, on my face and demeanour, that I had retreated and my mind was often daydreaming elsewhere. Escaping. Still I said nothing. I was ‘fine’, conditioned to not speak the truth, keep the secret.

My own speech was affected, words were withheld, swallowed, creating a lump in my throat that was audible when I did try to speak. I wondered who would want to hear it anyway.

I carry these experiences with me, they are historical but they had a huge toll. I identify it, I know the cues when this is triggered in my new life and I deal with confrontation immediately, resole problems and drama. I ask for communication, use my words.

Don’t ignore me or disregard my feelings, show compassion, talk to me. Communicate.

Finally, I will never go to sleep silenced. Everyone deserves a peaceful sleep. Including me.