heart

ALONE

 
Blog34_ALONE.jpg
 

Starkly alone. Aching heart and a deep seated sense of dread. Isolated for weeks, if not more. Day one, hard, horrid. Silence, people stop, life is paused in a warped time-zone. I have never felt so alone in my life.

Feeling it, letting it sit, it tries to take hold. I’m quiet, contemplative, sad, deeply sad. Panicked, I want my old life back, the one where there was a future, options, excitement. This one has a sense of doom, spiralling out of control. Where does the future lie?

Time to reflect on what was and what is, time to plan for what is and what will be. Lots of time to think, too much time. Solitary, alone.

For now there is no choice but to bear it. Day one of a sentence I don’t wish to be fucking part of, but I am, so is everybody.

 

INTUITION

 
Blog10_intuitionLR.jpg
 

Intuition can be an intense inner feeling of knowing. Often it won’t make sense as it operates between conscious and unconscious thought so pay attention to your dreams.

It doesn’t tell you what you want to hear but rather what you need to hear. It can be a deep gut feeling, a sense, a feeling of knowing that can’t be explained, something doesn’t feel quite right, listen. It can be a whisper or a scream. I am accustomed to the whisper, it’s reassuring. I’ve also had volume and I’ve tried to ignore it, it was very unsettling and I wasn’t open to it, I didn’t want to know. In the end, intuition was accurate resulting in a massive life change. Pay attention, always.

I had physical signs too, repetitive things happened that could not be cast off as coincidence. There were strong visual signals, not surprising given that I connect best with imagery. They threw me off course, but I attempted to provide myself with explanations and hastily tried to store them away out of sight. Those images played on my mind and I revisited them often, not by choice, again quickly moving them out of my thoughts as soon as they entered.

The feeling can be intense because in your heart and gut you know that something is wrong, there’s an overwhelming feeling of danger. It can also be the opposite, a warm feeling of inner peace because you know it’s all going to be okay. Some people see or hear things and others feel them.

Being present filters out distraction, making it easier and clearer to listen to intuition. So clear the life clutter, sit still and quiet and listen.