Priorities can be instinctive, a gut feeling on the order of how things should be categorised. Equally they can be a choice, a decision on which order to place emphasis. Being true to your intrinsic values will inform which priorities are to have focus which makes it complex when trying to understand why others place weight on certain priorities.
What does it say about you, your values, self esteem and self worth if you consistently allow yourself to be a low priority in either your own or someone else’s life?
That gnawing gut feeling of not being a priority in someone elses world is a daunting emotion to process, especially when you desire to be. It sits in the pit of your stomach, making you feel light-headed and sad. It can be set aside mentally and emotionally, however over time the cumulative effect starts to hurt deeply and eventually words need to be spoken.
Finding your voice is challenging when the preference is to avoid anything that might remotely feel or lead to confrontation. Part of my journey is to find my words and use them, not silence them, and my feelings, as I’ve done painfully in the past. Admittedly it will often take me time to speak out, as I question my feelings and thoughts, meanwhile suffering the consequences silently. But I’m starting to speak and I need to be heard.
If you find yourself on the receiving end of me questioning where I sit with your priorities, please know that I’ve felt sad and gutted many times and it’s taken a lot to speak. I hope you can listen and encourage me and then hold my hand, and carefully, gently, encourage speech and conversation. It does not mean that my thoughts are accurate, nor does it mean that you have done anything wrong, it just means that there needs to be a conversation about how to move forward lovingly. I’m only just learning to use my voice, please be patient and kind and talk to me so I can dream tonight xx