What’s a test? It’s usually a tool to find out what you know. But it can also be a strategic move to try and find out where you really stand in an equation. It’s risky as it could mean that you discover that actually you rank pretty much at the bottom.
That happened to me tonight. I found out that I don’t mean much at all, I’m an ant, smaller than that, a pinhead, a grain of sand, a cell. I may as well be. I’m infinitesimal, minute, camouflaging into the masses, yet I’m still here and I need to be heard. I can yell but it makes no sound, I can scream but it’s silent. Again. So I’m not going to bother, my energy is conserved; for me; for once. And that feels right.
Why test?...because intrinsically I know that I mean nothing; I’m a fleeting snowstorm, unique in it’s own way, changeable, interesting. But then I’m gone, gone, gone, never to come back.
I’m a nothing <.