DELETE

I came across this today. The image perfectly aligned with my last 24 hours. How more appropriate could you get. It’s a sign, well maybe not, but I saw it and it spoke to me. Fuck off it said.

Yesterday I said no more, I’m done, the tipping point for boundaries and action. It’s been a long time coming. Far to many chances have been given, at my detriment, leaving me pretty low, especially in the last day. I’m taking back my power, pushing toxic energy far outside my boundaries. Blocked. Deleted.

It left me turning back to myself, quietly reflecting, thoughtfully thinking. The decision was a total no brainer, it actually wasn’t a decision, a non decision. I was left thinking deeply about other parts of my life. What was I willing to accept? It left me still, devoid of conversation. The only conversation I needed to have was with myself and it was a serious one.

With a busy, disturbed mind, sleep didn’t come easy last night. I realised how completely over it I am and I felt relief that this was not going to continue. So as the sun came up, I welcomed the new day, relieved all pressure from myself other than what was critical.

Silence is bliss and I have a whole lot more of that to look forward to. Finally.

ANXIETY

Just the thought of anxiety leaves me cold. Anxiety, impending doom.

Anxiety can be a positive as it’s a sign that you’ve moved away from personal anchors and are adrift. The feeling of deep discomfort, panic, fear and uneasiness is a signal to recognise the triggers which in turn allows the opportunity to take some action.

A lot of my anxiety is brought about by self talk or situational interpretation. I recognise that self talk can be counter-productive and that my perception can be just that, perception. It’s dangerous to over-think and rapidly decide an outcome. Most of the time, when the situation unfolds or all the pieces are put together, the reality is quite different. Meanwhile stress and anxiety have crept in, creating paralysis and unnecessary internal angst.

I’ve learnt is to detach from outcomes, be patient and allow things to unfold naturally, to take their time. In the interim, get busy, stay distracted, be productive and most of all be kind. Be kind to you.

The ridiculous pace of life and the pressures of trying to be everything and do everything leads not only to exhaustion, but also the grim feeling of being overwhelmed which creates paralysis and an inability to prioritise. Being overwhelmed feels like being in a tunnel with the walls rapidly closing in.

Nature, for me it’s water if I can get near it, it’s beneficial and reminds me to breathe. Breathing is the foundation of life and so much of life is spent shallow breathing as stress and anxiety take hold. Deep breathe, concentrate on the rhythm of breath, it’s repetitious, basic and soothing and pulls you back to the now. Looking too far ahead can be daunting.

Simplicity. Keeping things simple, keeping them light, appreciating the small things, even the mundane and being grateful. This can take you away from anxiety, anxiety is heavy and dull, noticing the small things is basic and free.

Breathe in alignment, breathe out anxiety.